The 7 secrets to create quality engagements with people

Quality engagements are a time saver. I wish I knew all of these tips 20 years ago. These are my learnings from books, my coaches, my mentors, and experience from action-taking. 


Create time

Have you heard yourself saying, "I am busy?"

Busy with what? "I am busy being busy."

I fell into this category a while back with my lack of organization and lack of automation in life resulting in a busy schedule. The modern adult is at war with his email inbox, saying yes to things without considering if they have the time, and chasing every shiny thing that attracts them to the next possibility.

I call this the Triple O:
+ Over-committed
+ Oversubscribed
+ Overworked.

How to create time? 

While I have an advanced workshop that goes into the nitty-gritty details of this, here are three tips:

Be careful what you say "YES" to. Do you have the time, resources, and energy to commit to this task on top of your existing schedule?

Remove all the email subscriptions that no longer serve you. The emails that clutter your inbox daily, taking time and energy to clear.

Learn to set aside time in your day where you are distraction-free to get the important tasks done. No interruptions or distractions means you get more done.


Show up and be present

You can spend a few hours with someone and still not have a real connection.

 How? The addiction to distraction. Humans cannot multitask, it is proven by science. We can switch in between tasks.

How many times are we checking our phones while at a video conference? Are we giving the person(s) at the other end our undivided attention?

When showing up at a physical meeting, placing the mobile on the phone or worse engaging in it is a clear indication that the mobile takes precedence over anything else.

Spending 15 minutes focused, engaged, un-distracted will give more connection and information sharing then several hours distracted. So when you show up and are present, magic can happen.


Eye Contact

Eye contact is described as gazing into a person's soul. Rather than speak of it, I would like you to try it with this exercise below.

Find someone and try this exercise. THE 2 MINUTE EYE GAZE

1. Stand or sit opposite each other

2. Set your phone on a 2-minute countdown.

3. Make eye contact and gaze into each other's eye

4. No need to say anything

5. Blink, Breathe and Be present in their eyes

This will get awkward in the first 30 seconds if you are not used to it, but something beautiful happens with prolonged gazing. You feel this connection and bond. Once you feel this, you will start automatically applying it to your conversations and feel the power of it.



We live in a new norm where we are very keen to reply.

The art of listening requires being silent.

Here is a process I use:

1. Clear your mind of all other thoughts

2. Be present and LISTEN to UNDERSTAND

3. Acknowledge and engage with body language, facial expressions, and eye contact when not required to speak.

4. Process and reflect on the information before replying when your time comes.

Sometimes letting that information process for a wee half minute longer helps understand it.



The power of a smile can lift anyone's mood. More importantly your mood.

Ever smiled at a stranger and they either smiled back or got confused at why someone is smiling at them?

Tune into why you are grateful and smile away. Let the world see it. Share your smile and infect others with it.

When interacting with people, always start with a smile to let them know you are happy. It lightens the mood and creates more openness for the other person(s) to engage more authentically.



The power of authenticity

I have learned that there is nothing better than a conversation where all parties choose to be authentic. Step away from the content that is usually reserved for television news, like the weather, sports, gossip, etc. and lead with the F.O.R.D Method.

The F.O.R.D Method

The F.O.R.D. method is an acronym for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. An approach to communication originated from Practical Psychology.

Inside the F.O.R.D method, speak of feelings, and be vulnerable.

Ask questions like:

- What is keeping you alive this moment?
- What is your biggest challenge?
- What is your greatest triumph this week or month?
- What are you seeking to get past in terms of personal fear?

This creates a deep conversation where sometimes you will walk away with more questions than answers. However, you would feel great to connect at a real level. Where being authentic and vulnerable is green-lighted, allowing the other person to see the real you, connect with the real you, and even in some cases be able to help you from their experience with similar issues.


Be Vulnerable

VULNERABILITY is a new superpower. There will always be concerns when asking people to step into their vulnerability. 

Questions like:
- What if they judge me?
- Am I ready to share that?
- Will they think I am weak?
- What will they do once my fears are exposed?

The certainty and answers to the above questions are not necessary. Owning your truth and stepping out with vulnerability does two things:

+ Makes you look human
+ Creates a better connection to the others since they can relate to you.

We are all going through similar problems at one point in our life. Some of us may have overcome it and some still in the process. Transparency on the topic allows information to flow into areas that are usually kept hidden. The connection created through being vulnerable has power, raw emotions, and a chance to bond.



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